15.11.2015
12.50am (16.11.2015)
As we were walking back home after a tragedy, I was feeling weak. I could hardly walk...
Opened the kitchen door, there was no bird alarm (normally when we came home at night, Tiny would cry non stop because it was hungry, I called that the "bird alarm").
The room was very quiet.
Nothing was heading for our heads.
No fresh poo on the floor or tables.
Only silence.
What were left were empty hat/nest, poo stains on window panes, dried baby bird formula sticked on the wall and leftover baby bird formula on the dressing table...
No noisy baby bird peeping at us from it's nest during bedtime, targeting us and wanting to fly onto the bed to sleep with us.
Just like that, Little Tiny Mini Miner has disappeared from our lives.
10.30pm
I was lying on the bed texting Kelly, showing her photos of Tiny, then I heard something hit the ceramic saucer.
Tiny was standing on the edge of the saucer and sipping water from the saucer that I provided.
5 minutes later, it hopped onto the bed, and stood on my arm as usual when I was still sharing it's stories with Kelly.
Out of a sudden, Tiny rolled over onto the bed from my right arm, with it's tummy facing upward and was lying on it's back, it looked stoned.
I started to panic. Held Tiny, ran into the bathroom and told Gary:" Something is happening to Tiny!
Quick quick quick!" But Gary thought Tiny looked alright. "No! It isn't alright! I know!" I yelled.
We ran back into the room.
I asked Gary to call for the wildlife rescue. Or call Peter Dakota who is a bird expert.
There was delay in searching for the wildlife rescue number. It was close to midnight, the line was closed so Gary could only lodge an online emergency report.
Watching Tiny weakening in my palms, my heart was aching badly.
"Please call the wildlife rescue. Please... Please call Peter. Please please... Please don't delay anymore. Please! Please...." I begged and begged Gary to find a solution immediately.
I cried and cried. I was extremely panic.
Tiny couldn't sit or walk, it's body shrinked, it was also shivering, the eyes were blinking in slow motion, the beaks were opening and closing slowly too. It had weak heartbeat. It tried to turn it's neck to the back to get a sleep but because it was too weak to hold it's neck, it looked like the neck was broken, looked like a dead bird.
We tried to put in on the bed to see if it could stand up, but it wanted to be held by us and patted by us.
Oh God! I prayed. I spoke in tongue so loudly. We lay our hands on it and spoke in tongue.
Gary thought my panic would make Tiny felt worse, while Headie the dog was already hiding under the coffee table:" Calm down, creepo, calm down!" Gary said to me.
I covered my face, my body was shaking of heart aching, my tears were falling down:" God, please give Tiny back it's life. Please don't take it away! This is the second time I beg You since I've moved to Melbourne! Please give it life!Please give it life! Please give it life! Please give it life!"
How can I calm down when my little baby is weakening and dying in my palms? Tell me, how could I?
When you are in a situation so helpless, you could only desperately hope for a miracle, there's nothing else you can do except running to God, praying to God, crying for God for a miracle.
I desperately needed a miracle!!!
At that panicking moment, a lot of sad memories flashed in my mind: when I was 15-years-old my baby hamster died on my palms. I would never ever forget that tragedy, and I told myself I would never ever let any animals or pets die in my palms again.
5 minutes later, Peter Dakota finally replied to Gary's message:" Oh no! Any water went into it's ears?"
Yes, Tiny might have fell into the saucer when it was sipping water, and that's the noise that I heard of it falling into the ceramic saucer!
I blamed myself. I knew baby bird can't be fed water, it will drown.
I didn't feed Tiny water, but a week ago Tiny was sipping water from the kitchen floor, so I thought it had came to a period where it could drink water.
This kind of heart aching feeling is not unfamiliar to me.
I have experienced lost in my life.
When I was around 9-years-old, my little brother Jia Lun had epilepsy in the middle of sleep. While dad and mom were rushing him to the hospital, I at home, kneeled down in front of the Taoism altar, prayed so hard that my little brother would be healed. Thank God my little brother is now a strong young man.
In September 2012, I rescued a very young kitten from the back of my house on a thunderstorm midnight. It was another heart aching moment when I had to give it away. I was feeling depressed for two weeks for losing it.
Finally, we found a 24 hours Vet Clinic online.
Wrapped Tiny in a towel. Warmed it with my palms. It's body was cold and shrinked.
On the way sending Tiny to the emergency Vet, I worshipped while holding it.
My vision was blurred by my flowing tears. I didn't know how to stop crying. Tears were dropping onto the towel.
I sang to God:" You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love...You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love...You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love...You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love...You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love...You made beautiful things, you made beautiful things out of love..." Repeated and repeated that phrase.
When you are in trials, praise God for the wonderful things that will come after the trials.
At that time, I could only pray and praise. I needed a miracle so badly!
As I was worshipping and worshipping, halfway to the Vet clinic, Tiny was suddenly able to sit up on it's feet again, the feather became puffy again and it was able to turn it's neck to the back tried to get a sleep although the body was still shivering.
Ah THANK GOD! THANK GOD a million times for the miracle!
At least we were so glad to see it was able to sit up again!
The vet said Tiny looked very sick so she brought it into the room to be examined while we waited outside.
The vet told us that if Tiny is not a native bird, they will euthanased it.
Looking at her, I was speechless, my tears just came streaming non stop, and she was watching my mucus came running out of my nostrils too.
We told her Tiny is a Noisy Miner, and we are pretty sure Noisy Miner is a native bird.
We told her Tiny's left foot was injured when we found it.
And the vet said if the native animal is injured, they will euthanasia it too because it won't be able to survive when they release it back to the nature.
Upon hearing this, we were very sad.
Look, if all you can do is to put animals to death, we rather have Tiny back, we will continue to raise it. They had no idea how much we love Little Tiny Mini Miner!
They had no idea we have been witnessing and recording it's growth progress each day!
They had no idea how much Tiny loved us back!
At that time, a couple came into the clinic with an injured joey.
The vet told them they had to put the baby kangaroo down because the bones were exposed and there was maggots.
The wife cried badly in her husband's arms.
The poor vet, how many tears have she seen in a day?
The vet has confirmed that Tiny is a native bird, so she will send it to be taken care by the wildlife centre.
When she told us Tiny was very thin, I was even more sadden, because I felt like I am a terrible mother.
After a second confirm with the vet that there's no problem with Tiny's left foot, we knew we had to say goodbye to Tiny.
Just like that, in an emergency vet clinic.
The vet took Tiny out, who was in a basket and just being fed with honey.
I hold Tiny in my palms, patted it, kissed it's head, I cried and cried for saying goodbye to my baby of 20 days.
Back into our car, Gary and I hugged and cried.
Just like that, Tiny is forever gone from my life.
Just like that, in a heartbreaking way.
My pillow was wet by tears that night.
DIARY OF Little Tiny Mini Miner 小小:
Day 1, 27.10.2015:
5.45pm, I had a very tiring day. Headie found a baby bird under a eucalyptus tree, by the roadside, at the park right in front of our house. The nest was too high up, there was no way I could put it back into the nest. Took the baby bird home, because I have seen many dead birds in the park killed by foxes and cats. Googled the breed of the baby bird, it's the Noisy Miner. Headie and I actually disliked the Noisy Miners, because they are extremely noisy and aggressive. They attack Headie on our daily walk in the park, which caused Headie to feel timid. Read some informations on how to take care of a baby bird. The baby bird looked quite ugly, with a few feather sticking out of it's head, and the body was still bold with no feathers. Made my brown hat into a nest for the baby bird to sleep in.
Day 2, 28.10.2015:
Tried to feed baby bird with wet dog biscuit (which I read online). It was so messy to try to feed it. It would shake the food and mess up the place. Honestly it was a hard task. Baby bird need to be fed everyday 20 minutes during daytime. It punctually called for food every 20 minutes, I spent the whole day busy nursing it and could hardly concentrate on my work. Baby bird's eyes were closed most of the time, even when it was calling for food. Used a straw to send the food into it's throat (that's how the parent feed it). After several times of feeding throughout the day, I managed to find a system in feeding the baby: tabbed the hat to inform baby bird that parent was back to the nest with food. It would immediately opened it's eyes and cried out loud, then I tilted the red straw 45 degree upward so that it could see the food was coming, otherwise it would not open it's mouth. If any food stuck inside the beaks (not inside the throat), baby bird will shake off the food because it's tiny tongue doesn't do cleaning job for the beaks. Baby bird went back to sleep after 2-3 feds each time. What a tiring day nursing it! It practised how to hop forward, but was limping to the left and fell forward all the time.
Day 3, 29.10.2015:
Gary fed the baby bird at 6am before he went to work. Omg the bird's eyes, nostrils, beaks, wings and underneath it's neck were all covered with patches of food... It was indeed a messy job for trying to feed it. Today I was still improving my feeding skill. I successfully send the food into it's throat. Baby bird poo-ed during every feed. It was very funny to get to see how a baby bird poos - after the first fed, it turned it's body around with the tail facing outward the hat/nest, raised and shaked it's butt:" Bruuuuuutttt..." There, the poo dropped outside of the hat/nest! How smart! Put a piece of tissue paper underneath it's tail before feeding it so that the poo dropped straight onto the tissue paper haha! Took baby bird out see the blue sky. It was amazed hearing other birds sang. Headie was very curious about this little bird, smelt at the bird so closely, but the bird was not afraid of Headie at all. It got more confidence in hopping forward, even stood up when I fed it! Well done birdie! Huei Weun came visit Little Tiny Mini Miner.
Day 4, 30.10.2015:
Shown my 85-years-old neighbour the baby bird, she said:" Look at you, so fat. You are being well looked after aren't you?" I didn't want to give the baby bird a name because I tried my best not to be attached to it.
It's so funny to see the bird turn it's head 180 degree to it's back and the head is covered by both wings when it sleeps.
Day 5, 31.10.2015:
We got some baby bird formula from the pet shop today. Some friends asked did me feed it worms? Not worms of course, I am afraid of worms, and I can't hunt for worm every 20 minutes. Noisy Miner is a honeyeater, it's not right to feed worm to the baby bird. According to the pet shop, the baby bird has lost it's ability to look for food in the future once it's handled by human. I was sad hearing this. Did I ruin the baby bird's life? I looked up online about Noisy Miner, the adult males are aggressive towards young baby birds. We planned to put the baby bird back to the golf course, underneath the eucalyptus trees, but now I am too afraid it will be hurt by adult birds. Obviously this baby bird has fallen from it's nest during its fledgling period. Even when it leaves the nest during fledging, mother bird will still feeds it until it knows how to fly and hunt for food. The facts suggested that maybe I made a huge mistake for bringing it home, but the reality was it was by the roadside, and there are many foxes and cats around the area... Baby bird had shown progress in learning how to fly. It managed to hop three steps forward! And it would look around before it hopped! Well done buddy! Funnily, baby bird loved to mimic Headie in whatever Headie did! I finally gave it a name, 小小, which means Little Tiny.
Day 6, 1.11.2015:
We wouldn't be home today, so we took Little Tiny out with us, to the church and to the shop. Everyone in the shop was so excited seeing Little Tiny. They helped me to feed Little Tiny but it turned out to be a messy encounter.
Day 7, 2.11.2015:
Little Tiny was able to fly as far as 1 meter today! Happy! It loved Headie and flew to wherever Headie was, but Headie didn't know how to love back an annoying baby bird who loved to follow him. Little Tiny could find it's way to where I sit for work. It hopped underneath my chair, looked up at me and called for me. I put it on my lap, patted it and it fell asleep. Just like that, it treated me as a mother.
Day 8, 3.11.2015:
Little Tiny now had feathers on it's tummy! It looked quite fat now. While patting it in my palms, I teared up while thinking of this: within few weeks time when you are able to fly out of this window, I shall say "Bon Voyage" to you. Thank you for the great lessons and experience, thank you for loving me and treating me as you mother.
Day 9, 4.11.2015:
Gary took Little Tiny to the shop early in the morning because I was having a photoshoot and wouldn't be at home from evening to night. Thank you Dorothy and Koko for bird-sitting while we were out for dinner. I was quite happy that I was free from the noisy Little Tiny today!
Day 10, 5.11.2015:
It now knew when to cry for food in the morning - when it saw me waking up, it would look at me and opened it's mouth... Little Tiny is able to estimate the distance before it flew. I witnessed it flying from the couch back to it's hat/nest! Wow bravo! Since then, I always found Little Tiny in some surprising spots: on top on my Polaroid packagings, among the hanging clothes, in between books on the coffee table... It could fly from the couch straight onto my computer! I am so proud of it. Little Tiny heard me and Headie were in the kitchen, so it tried it's best to hop to the kitchen to look for us. It saw me patting Headie, suddenly it spreaded it's wings and landed on the back on Headie! Of course Headie was shocked for being "attacked"! Oh dear... We came home at 12.15am from watching a concert, there was no Little Tiny in the room. Normally it would cry for food when it heard us coming home. But the room was silence. I looked for it everywhere. Did Headie kill it because it annoyed him while we were out? I was very upset, thought Headie has killed Little Tiny... I pushed a box and suddenly heard a loud cry! It was Little Tiny sleeping in the corner! Oh no, I must have hurt it when I pushed the box! I am so gladful that Headie didn't kill Little Tiny!
Day 11, 6.11.2015:
Maybe it got hurt when I pushed the box last night, Little Tiny could not fly today. It could only hopped as far as 1 feet. I was upset and wished Little Tiny could fly like yesterday again. Whenever it wanted to get onto the bed, Headie will get off from the bed and let Little Tiny have the whole bed...
Day 12, 7.11.2015:
Thanks to Megan for dog and bird sitting when we were attending to Andrew and Gen's wedding. We took Headie and Little Tiny for a walk at the golf course when we got home in the evening. Tried to leave Little Tiny on the ground and we walked away. Surprisingly Little Tiny looked around, and hopped to the direction where we were standing. Some adult Noisy Miners tried to bully Little Tiny.
Day 13, 8.11.2015:
Thanks to Megan for dog and bird sitting again when we were out photographing Ellie and Jesse's wedding. Came home and found Little Tiny making so much noise inside the cage.
Day 14, 9.11.2015:
Little Tiny could fly better now, but it only flew every 15-30 minutes. It's still a baby that didn't fly much yet. It successfully flew across the room and landed on my arm, looked at me with a victorious look and made a lovely noise. Ah my little baby was proud of itself! I put it back to the couch, it flew towards me again but this time banged on my computer screen! Haha! Little Tiny was still learning how to land properly. Later that day, I was cooking in the kitchen, it called for me and found it's way to the kitchen to look for me. It recognised my pink slippers, beaked my socks and hopped onto my slippers (the safest place for it because the pink slippers represent where it's mother was). Bedtime, Gary and I were talking on the bed, suddenly Little Tiny targeted us and landed on Gary's face, pulling Gary's hair... That was so hilarious! We put it back to it's hat/nest, it flew onto Gary's head again! Haha! The third time we saw it was coming, we quickly cover our heads with the quilt. Little Tiny missed it's targets and fell into the gap between the bed and the wall. That was a fun bedtime game with Little Tiny!
Day 15, 10.11.2015:
I had to clean the kitchen but this little baby flew all the way from the room into the kitchen to look for me. Put in on my left shoulder when I continued the cleaning. We went for a walk with Alina in the park. Little Tiny hopped on the grass and discovered things, but it's favourite resting spot was still on top of our shoes. Put Little Tiny on my head when I washed Headie's feet before entering the house and saw a poo dropped from my head! Phew! Luckily it knew how to turn it's tail facing outward and not poo on my head. Went for groceries at Coles at 9.30pm and took Little Tiny with us. It enjoyed a car ride.
Day 16, 11.11.2015:
7.30am As soon as I sat up on the bed, suddenly something flew straight onto my head... Good morning Little Tiny! My Hongkie friend came visit, but she was quite afraid of Little Tiny. Dawn commanded Little Tiny:" 唔准飞！" Which means DO NOT FLY. That's hilarious to command a bird not to fly haha! 8.30pm I was working when suddenly Little Tiny flew from my working desk straight to Headie who was sitting on the bead and landed on Headie's forehead! Oops! Everything happened in a flip of a second. Headie was stoned for half a second. I quickly ran to the bed to rescue Headie...Phew, what a domestic drama! Headie does not like things flying on him.
Day 17, 12.11.2015:
I stood under the eucalyptus trees to observe what Noisy Miners usually eat, so I plugged a branch of eucalyptus with it's flowers and seeds. Little Tiny made excited noise when it saw the eucalyptus, but it didn't know how to suck the nectar yet. I worked till 2.30 in the morning, Gary and the two furry/feathered children were already asleep. Found Little Tiny sleeping comfortably on Gary's hair!
Day 18, 13.11.2015:
Woke up and surprisingly Little Tiny wasn't inside the room. Heard it calling for me from the kitchen, and found it standing on top of the kitchen sink... It had learn how to fly from one spot to another spot, but not lingering in the air like the adult birds. Today Little Tiny could walk with it's two feet! From the first day, from limping forward to learning how to hop forward, to learning how to fly to now able to walk confidently with both feet, what an amazing growth! And Little Tiny is very good at memorising directions! Saw a dead baby house sparrow while I was walking Headie, it might be attacked by other adult birds. During bedtime, Little Tiny wanted to sleep with us on the bed, so I allowed it to sleep on the bolster beside me.
Day 19, 14.11.2015
Thanks to Megan for dog and bird sitting while we were out photographing Lisa and Trung's wedding from 5.30am to 12am. We missed our furry and feathered children. Again during bedtime, Little Tiny flew onto the bed wanted to sleep with us. This time it slept beside my arm. Ah what a sweet moment.
Day 20, 15.11.2015
Little Tiny followed us to church and then to the shop. It had a good time flying across the gallery space. Allie, Paul and baby Nico came visit, Little Tiny landed on Paul's shoulder and stood there comfortably, seemed like they have known each other for long. It was a great day catching up with clients Jennifer and John, Allie, Paul and Nico. I was extremely tired by the end of the day.
At around 10.30pm, that was when the heartbreaking tragedy started...
Day 21, 16.11.2015
Waking up with no baby bird peeping at me from it's hat/nest, no noisy bird alarm in the room, nothing attacking my head... I felt extremely sad. I just lay on the bed looking out the window listening to birds sang and I cried. I felt weak and had gastric pain. I missed patting Little Tiny, kissing it, missed the moment when it was having a nap on my shoulder or arm as I was typing the keyboard. I missed it sleeping with me, I missed the cheeky look that it gave me, I missed how it loved Headie and followed Headie everywhere. I told my housemate Megan about the tragedy that happened last night, she gave me a nice hug. I didn't feel like walking Headie, so I just lay on the grass and stared at the sky... Gary called to check if I was alright. He said let't just imagine Little Tiny flying happily in the sky one day. And this is how God wanted things to be:
We are not suppose to own anything
but we are to own memories about everything that happen in our lives
I know I had to say goodbye to Little Tiny one day. We planned to release it back to the nature once it knows how to fly and look for food. It was an unexpected goodbye and it was hard for me to accept it in short notice. I knew it would be the best option for Little Tiny to be taken care by the experts at wildlife centre. I knew, I knew it. No one could feel the pain that I am feeling inside for losing a baby in such circumstances.
As I lay on the grass with tears streaming down, as I heard the birds, trains, insects, bicycles, and wind whispered, I could feel the soft wind caressing my face. I felt like God was saying this to me:" Hush baby hush. Let peace fall upon you. Let the wind caress you." And slowly I felt asleep under the love of God.
Dear 小小, thank you for the sweet memories of 20 days. I wish you all the happiness in the sky.
This is a song that I think best suits my story with Little Tiny Mini Miner, "I wish you love":
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
But more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
我在很累很累的那一天拾到它，
也在很累很累的那一晚失去了它。
保重啊，小小。
Day 1: We rescued this ugly baby Noisy Miner
Day 1: The eyes were closed most of the time and feeding it was a hard task
Day 2: Calling for food
Day 3: Sunbathing
Day 4: Grew more hair
Day 4: It loved Headie
Day 4: First attempt
Day 4: Second attempt and did well
Day 5: Asking Headie for food
Day 5: It recognised my pink shoes and loved to stick with me
Day 6: First time at FilmNeverDie shop
Day 7: Rainy day and posing for mom
Day 7: Getting curious with the surroundings
Day 7: Learning how to fly and always banging on the walls
Day 7: Headie can I please join you on the bed
Day 8: Little Tiny loved having a nap on my lap while I was working
Day 9: I was exhausted taking care of this baby
Day 10: A cute cartoon character
Day 10: Rainy day and cuddled on the bed
Day 10: Loved to hang out on my working desk
Day 10: Flew to where I worked and successfully landed on the computer
Day 11: Hi Headie may I join you on the bed
Day 12: Successfully flew all the way from our room to the dining table
Day 13: Bible time
Day 14: This was the most precious memory: Little Tiny flew all the way from the couch and successfully landed on my arm. It gave me this lovely look and made a tiny noise:" Did I do well, mommy?" It melted my heart away
Day 14: Because my mom loves flowers... So...
Day 15: Little Tiny got excited when it saw a grape but it didn't know how to eat it yet
Day 15: This was how it wanted to be with me when I work
Day 15: It slept less now and hold it's head high up rather than hiding it under it's wings
Day 16: Found it in the kitchen
Day 17: It rather sleeps like this on my shoulder...
Day 17: Little Tiny gave Headie a big shock again
Day 17: Don't you have a better place to sleep? It literally flew onto my head and made itself so comfortable...
Day 17: Came home from hotpot and found this tiny one sleeping on the queen size bed
Day 17: 2.30am Found it sleeping on Gary's hair
Day 17: Happy family
Day 19: Little Tiny wanted to sleep with us on the bed
Day 20: Off to church
Day 20: The FilmNeverDie birdie
Day 20: I would never imagine that was the last time we sunbathed together
Day 20: When I was reading magazine...
Day 20: 11pm, it was very weak and it shrinked
Day 20: Saying goodbye at the Vet clinic
Day 21: What was left was an empty cage and empty hat/nest
Day 21: What was left was poo stains on my cardigan
Day 21: The room was so quiet
Day 21: I looked out the window, hearing the birds sang... I missed my baby bird badly, this song was playing in my head:" I wish you bluebirds in the spring, to give your heart a song to sing, and then a kiss, but more than this, I wish you love... I wish you love..."
