Shooting With 30 Polaroid Cameras

The Impossible Project PX600 Color Films

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12.06.2015

I've always wanted a Polaroid Camera when I was still working in Kuala Lumpur back in year 2009. At that time it seemed quite impossible to get a Polaroid camera in Malaysia and I wouldn't be able to afford the film anyway. But guess what, I met Gary a year later and he gave me my first Polaroid camera as a Christmas present! Since then, my life is filled with Polaroid cameras, not just one but all types of Polaroid cameras in different shape or form.. Because Gary is now full-time running a business called Film Never Die, selling every exciting Polaroid products under the sun!

YES! I am turning 30 today! What an awesome feeling! What a milestone! My parents must be very pleased to see their beautiful daughter turning 30 hahahaha! The last time I was excited about my birthday was when I was 21. I met an Aussie couple the other day, Naomi and Brad, who totally changed my perception on turning 30. When I told them that I am turning 30 this year, Brad was cheering while he was driving:" Wohoooo! Welcome to the club! 30 is awesome!" Just the way that they celebrate their age and the positive ways they look at things, it touch me deeply. Nicole, my beloved Kiwi friend, told me something inspiring this morning:"We are so lucky that we get to turn 30. Imagine how many people don't get to live until the age 30? We all get older, we don't get younger, that's how God makes things work." Yup, so why afraid of aging? I am turning 30 today and I am feeling so fabulous!

30 for me is the prime time in our lives. We have buying power, we build our own careers, we have freedoms to be creative, we are more matured than when we first graduated from Uni, we gained more knowledge, we will act with more wisdom (I hope), we are more capable to give help to friends who are in need, we can plan for our future better, we can plan to start a family and of course we  are starting to learn about babies too (from my friends)... The experience at this stage of life is totally different compared to 5 years or 10 years ago.

I've never thought that I would make it this far. Seriously. I have never loved myself, had a few failed attempts to commit suicides from 9 to 17 years old. I am an introvert since childhood and experience depressing teenage years. That's why I think my parents must be proud of who I am today. Happy children, happy parents. Long gone are the times when I was driving alone aimlessly in my hometown searching for my ex boyfriend who had turn off his mobile phone and was cheating on me, I could hardly see the road in front, because tears were all over my face. I yelled out loud to God ( I wasn't a Christian yet but my whole life I have been imagining a God looking after me from heaven):" God! Help me! God! Help me please!" Of course, things turned worse, and that 7 years of first love left a very deep impact in my life. I completely lost hope in relationship and marriage. 

This is the revelation from my relationship: I was heart broken and crying for God to bring back my ex boyfriend to me instantly,  although the fact that the relationship wasn't going anywhere further and it was certainly unhealthy. Little do I realised that, at that time when I was crying for God, God has already prepared a blessing in the future. Nothing that I would expect of. What I was expecting was for God to cease my pain at that time, but God knows what's best for me, and He wants me to be happy.

Who would have guessed that Gary is the one whom God has chosen for me? Hahahah! Yes, all of us couldn't believe that Gary and I would be together. We went to the same primary school, and we were in the same class when we were 10-years-old, and I hated Gary at that time... Isn't God full of surprises? He certainly has a huge sense of humour. Now, I have a great great man to hold my hands every night, telling me that he loves me. He prays for me, and he encourages me every single morning:" We can do it! God will bless us! Let's work hard together!" 

Looking back, I was an introvert little girl, self doubt, lack of self esteem, hot-tempered, being teased for my teeth, big butt, and tanned skin and these scared my whole life, plus I was anti social too. If you have known me since I was young, you would be glad to see the transformation that happened in me in these few years. I can now social, I can handle my clients by myself, and new friends thought that I am a social butterfly. And now I know how important it is to love myself. I feel good about myself and am thankful for every single healthy organs that God has given me.

My life is now being blessed abundantly, in my relationship with Gary and also with my family, and also in my life, career, health etc. I am blessed with very good friends by my side. I can say out loud that this is the happiest moment in my life. Happiness doesn't mean richness or any earthly recognitions. Happiness is so simple and so easy. Happiness is when me, Gary and Headie laughing while running in the open field wildly, under golden sunset. Happiness is when Gary picked me a yellow wild flower on a mundane day. Happiness is when Gary and I are doing silly dance with music from the PA system while shopping at Coles at midnight, when the aisle are all empty. Happiness is when my best friend's little baby girl gives me a kiss on my nose. I've tasted the bitterness in life, and now the sweetness. This is what a real life is: to be able to taste the bitter and sweet in life, fall down, get up, be transformed and keep walking. Of course the process of transforming is the hardest part, because we are against ourselves, not anyone else. It involves spiritual warfare, especially when you are fight your own enemy. 

One of my biggest weakness is hot-tempered. I get angry so easily. I would slam the door, throw stuffs around, called my mom a bitch, and domestic violence was part of my life. I just didn't know how to handle my emotions, because this was my background growing up. If it wasn't for the endless grace that Gary has shows me, and the teachings that I've learnt from church, I would never get to realise that I am wrong, and I needed to change. This doesn't happen within a week or two, when the change happen it doesn't mean that I do not get angry anymore. It takes time and a lot of patience, especially when I  have decided to change what was in my root for over 25 years. But, never ever say:"  It's impossible". Failing is never meant to be a process that is stopping us from trying AGAIN. 

For the past 3 years, I cried, I yelled, I lost my tempered, the more I got angry the more I hated myself. But this was what I realised: at least I realised that I am wrong when I get angry. One day last year, I was very very angry over someone, I went home and sat at my desk, my head was filled with all sorts of negative thoughts. My heart was aching, my face was tensed, the feeling of hatred was the worst feeling ever. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit spoke to me:" Wei Wei, this is the best time to practise the things that Jesus has taught you: love the ones who hurt you. Why get angry over things or people? Isn't there much more important things to do in this world? Isn't this the best time to manage your anger?" Peace fell into my heart instantly. The good news was,  I realised that I shouldn't be angry and should start doing something meaningful for the world. I think that's a pretty amazing milestone from where I came from. Yup, you will only grow when you are facing trials. If you never fail, you will never taste the sweetness that come after the failures. 

My grandpa is very funny. Two years ago on a Chinese New Year's day, grandpa overheard me telling my aunt Idy that I am turning 30 soon. Grandpa came over and said this out loud in Hakka dilect:" 哈？！啊薇三十岁啦？！女人三十未嫁烂茶渣！！！” Which means a 30-years-old single women are considered leftover bad tea leaves................ I know that sounds very funny, because for my grandparents and parents, they got married during a young age. I myself thought that I would be married by the age 24 when I was 8.

But today, I can proudly say that my 30th birthday is a fabulous one! And I would like to say THANK YOU to all the blessings and wishes. Thank you for spoiling me and making me feel special!

* Behind the scene: I was shivering under the 10 degree Celsius Winter evening. Thank you Kimi for helping in setting up the Polaroid cameras, pulling the super tight vintage dress and helping me to wear my shoes. Found this awesome $10 vintage 80's prom night dress from Retrostar's warehouse sale. It has huge sleeves and it is super tight on me (obviously it is not my size). I couldn't bend my body, and could hardly breath. We were losing the sunlight at 4.30pm, it was very cold, and my expired FP-100C Silk films wasn't developing, everything tensed me up. Thank you Gary for staying calm and helping me to get photos that I wanted. I wouldn't have these great Polaroid photos taken without the help of you guys :D