I'm Not Yours Anymore

" I'm Not Yours Anymore "

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouthYou're the only one that wants me aroundAnd I can think of a thousand reasons whyI don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouthYou're the only one that wants me to dieAnd I can think of a thousand reasons whyI don't believe in you, I don't believe in you

I'm not yours anymoreI'm not yours anymoreNo, I, I'm not yours anymoreI'm not yours anymore

                                                                                                                                     polaroid px680 protection film   

The Clown In Me

The clown in me
is lonely and sad
The clown in me
has no self confident
The clown in me
needs no judgement from any man
The clown in me
only believes in the one who creates her

*

One of my ambitions is to be a story book illustrator. 
That's is why I love to collect children story books. 
I know it would look awkward when I hide myself in the children story book section of the library 

Found a great story book few weeks ago, 
<< You're Special >> written by Max Lucado and it gave me a great testimony. 
I would like to share the story here with you:

The Wemmicks were small wooden people carved by a woodworker named Eli. 

Each Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Each Wemmick had a box of golden stickers and gray dot stickers. The wooden people went around the village sticking stars or dots on one another. The pretty ones got starts. Wemmicks with rough wood or chipped paint got dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could jump over tall boxes or sing pretty songs. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like others, but he always fell.
So the Wemmicks would give him dots. When he tried to explain why he fell, he would say something silly, so the Wemmicks would give him more dots.

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would way. After a while Punchinello believed them. "I guess I'm not a good Wemmick," he decided. So he stayed inside most of the time. When he did go outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had lots of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a different kind of Wemmick named Lucia. She had no dots or stars. The Wemmicks admired Lucia for having no dots, so the would give her a star. But it would fall off. Others gave her a dot for having no stars. But it wouldn't stay either. That's the way I want to be, thought Punchinello. So he asked Lucia how she did it. 

"It's easy," she explained. "Every day I go visit Eli the woodcarver." 

"Why?"

"You'll find out if you go see him." Then Lucia turned and skipped away. 

"But will he want to see me?" Punchinello wondered.

Later, at home, he sat and watched the wooden people giving each other stars and dots. 

"It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he decided to go see Eli. 

Punchinello walked up the narrow path and stepped into Eli's shop. 

His eyes grew big. The stool was as tall as he was. 

He had to stretch on tiptoe to see the top of the workbench.

Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" The he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. 

"How good to see you. Come -- let me have a look at you."

Punchinello looked up. "You know my name?"

"Of course. I made you."

Eli picked him up and set him on the bench. 

"Look like you've been given some bad marks," said the maker.

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard."

"Punchinello, I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No. You shouldn't either, What they think doesn't matter. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why?" I'm not very talented and my paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.

"I came because I met Lucia, why don't the stickers stay on her?"

The maker spoke softly. 

"Because she has decide that what I think is more important than what others think. 

The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers." 

"I'm not sure I understand."

Eli smiled. 

"You will, but it will take time. For now, come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care.

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember, you are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, I think he really means it.

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

*

Flower Bed

I am lying on a flower bed

Surrounded by everything good

Like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

Thank you Ebby for climbing up and down the ladder to shoot this for me.

*

This photo was taken last November when I spent my whole Spring time in Malaysia. 

Thank God for blessing me with a few photography jobs, 

that's why I was busy editing photos for my other blog: aweiding.blogspot.com

During the last trip back in Malaysia, I had one side of my hair shaved, dyed my hair into red colour (inspired by the Disney cartoon "BRAVE"), 

spent some quality time with friends and family (although I stayed home most of the time), rescued a kitten who fell in the sewage twice, 

adopted a grey kitten, started to read the New Testament, and attended four weddings and a funeral.

Once I arrived in Kuala Lumpur airport in September, drama has started... Like my close friends always say:" Your life is always dramatic!" Imagine me sharing my stories of 27 years to new friends, they certainly know that one night is never enough for me tell them everything. 

I hope they still remember the way I acted and the way I talked -- entertaining.

But I am skipping telling the dramas this time, it's a brand new year and it's time to thank everyone around me!

Thank you to my parents for always waiting for my return and also providing me with a warm shelter. 

Thank you to my brothers for spending a quality trip with me.

Thank you to all my friends for helping me shoot my portraits, buying me meals when I had no food, bringing me out when I had no transport, being my audience when I was excited to talk and bringing me joy!

Thank you to all my new friends for making me feel that the world is a bed full of flowers.

Thank you to all my clients for believing in my ability.

Thank you to my best friends and my cousin for listening to my testimonies.

Thank you to my boyfriend for always being there on the other side of the hemisphere and supporting me unconditionally. 

Thank you God for healing my dog DingDong from sickness.

Thank you God for granting me a grey kitten who brought me so much precious memories.

Thank you God that all my friends and family members are safe and healthy.

I was planning to write this post during new year time, but times flies too fast, I know. 

It's been three months now but I would still like to write down my new year revolutions, 

it's better late than never. 

I must finish study my bible.

I must write down all my testimonies.

I must read at least two books this year 

( I know I am a slow reader because I imagine too much when I read).

I must paint at least one painting.

I must launch my own photography website.

I must be more and more creative during every photo shoot.

I must control my temper and remind myself not to have negative thoughts. 

I must not be selfish and always save the best for others.

Last but not least I must love myself more and rock my life!

*

Sailing

We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay

We could hear the voices ringing

They seemed to say

You have stolen her heart

Now don't go way

As we sang love's old sweet song on Moonlight Bay

15.01.2013



It's a brand new year and I have gained a few of the festive weight.

Friends told me how beautiful is the movie Life of Pi. From the poster, I was expecting the tiger would be magically tamed and live with Pi on the boat. But in fact it was much more realistic.

A shipwreck forced Pi to survive on a life boat with a Bengal tiger. Instead of losing hope and surrendering to the circumstances in front of him, Pi said:" We need to live with one another if we want to survive."  Imagine what would I do if I was forced to survive in a life boat with a tiger?! Pi is a believer in God, but he didn't just sat back and wait for miracles, he used his wisdom instead to live with the tiger, and the tiger was the reason that he survived. For those who live with circumstances, any reasonable man would say that the hope of survival is slim. They would be the victim of their pessimism. For those who has faith in God, they never stop having hope, like Pi read  from the survival guide:"...above all, never lose hope."

Pi, a vegan, was forced to kill his first fish to feed the hungry tiger. Crying remorsefully,  Pi still gave thanks to God:" Thank you, for sending a fish to rescue our lives!" When hunger and desperate strikes us, we threw a lot of our principles out of the room, we became another person. 

During a fight with the tiger, suddenly there came across a bunch of flying fish in the middle of the ocean. The fishes literally flew into the tiger's mouth to feed the starving tiger and once again God rescued Pi. For me, there is more than a scientific reason for the flying fish to appear at the perfect timing.

Sometimes we should stop and think, who is the creator of human and animal? Who is the creator of the ocean and earth? Who is the creator of the universe? What the human know is never greater than it's creator. Who knows what's happening ahead of us except God who has plans for us? I must always remind myself to appreciative and be humble.

There are always turbulent times in life. When the the boat was facing a huge thunder storm, Pi was so excited to see the lightning from the sky as if the door of heaven was opened. He shouted:" I have nothing to lose! I have lost my family! The time has come!" And he hold the tiger on his lap:" Thank you God for giving me my life! I am ready." The huge storm totally weaken Pi and the tiger. While facing death, how could Pi just thanked God instead of groaning and complaining about his life? How strong was his faith! Shouldn't I just look at what I have in my life and give thank to God, instead of looking at what I don't have or what I've lost? Like Pi said:" When you thought God is not looking, He is actually looking after us."

Pi was being teased for his name during his whole childhood and one day he found God. Our God is a God of mercy. He only sees what's in Pi, not what's bad about Pi. It also reminds me of what Jesus Christ said:" Only the weak seeks for doctor, not the strong." I was being teased too throughout my whole teenage for my appearance which caused me to grow up in very low self esteem until I found the love of God. Life is far too meaningful than focusing on those criticism. When Pi finally found by his own species after 227 days, he was forced to give a "real story" by two Japanese investigators. I was thinking, aren't human more brutal than animal? All the tiger wanted was only to survive, but in our lives we need to honour men by doing things that were not from our hearts. No, for Jesus Christ said:"Do not honour men." The life on earth is too short, how could I not be honest to myself and others? It's totally fine and normal for my faith to be teased because a faith is never rational, "Stay foolish." that's what Steve Job said.

One thing in the movie that made me cried even harder was when Pi expecting the tiger to turn it's head before it went away for good into jungle. What upset Pi was that they never have the chance to say goodbye, just like he never have the chance to thank his father. This reminds me of losing my kitten. There is a message I learnt from this scene - do not look back and do not ask why. Of course I am also a mere human who follows my own emotions when I hit the bottoms in my life, but after knowing Christ  I learnt to recover from grief. I cried badly when Pi lost his whole family, when the zebra was killed by a hyena, when Pi was almost killed, when the tiger never look back... I could feel all the sorrow because I am a very emotional person. But what's the message of this scene, for me its saying: " All these are just a part of life, life can be very cruel and brutal, so do not carry the things on earth. "

At the end of the movie, the tiger actually saw a vision of Pi smiling at him when it stopped before went into the jungle, but Pi didn't read the tiger that's why he kept the sorrow in his heart for not being able to say goodbye after staying together with the tiger for 227 days. Same thing happened when I cried for days for losing my kitten although I had only raised her for one and a half months. Wasn't it's just the human who think too much and see the past seriously? The tiger actually saw Pi's smiling as if Pi was happy for it because for the tiger the jungle was it's real happiness.

At the end of the movie, Pi was blessed with a happy family with two kids. There is one more thing about Pi's guest the Canadian writer, his characteristic looked lost in his life and he was a non-believer in God. I believe that God has a plan for all of us, for everything in our lives, because He is a God of details. The writer was sent to Pi so that Pi could make him believe in God. I think that this was one of the reasons that Pi survived, because his miraculous life is a real testimonies to save some lost souls. 

Wikipedia revealed that:"Martel also stated that his inspiration for the book's premise came from reading a book review of Brazilian author Moacyr Scliar's 1981 novella Max and the Cats, about a Jewish-German refugee who crossed the Atlantic Ocean while sharing his boat with a jaguar. Scliar said that he was perplexed that Martel "used the idea without consulting or even informing me," and indicated that he was reviewing the situation before deciding whether to take any action in response. After talking with Martel, Scliar elected not to pursue the matter. A dedication to Scliar "for the spark of life" appears in the author's note of Life of Pi." This real story about the author Martel was indicated in a scene when the Canadian writer asked Pi if he could write this story, and Pi said:" I have told you the story, now the story is yours." Copying or imitating is a common thing in the art industry, for people like me, who likes other's artwork and wish to produce the same thing too, or shall I say, inspires from others, I often do a lot of research to learn and see what inspires me. Some people would complain and got mad about their artworks were being copied. But my boyfriend gave me a very good reason - the industries are copying Apple's products, Polaroid's products, Canon's products...just because of this reason the technologies keep improving to add more sparks in our lives! Hence, learn not to keep the idea for oneself, but to share it with others. 

For me, Life of Pi is not merely about beautiful visual effects, it's about life with God, and never lose hope.

Alina Cioaga

This is the first collaboration between two artists.

Young and talented, she is a Footwear Designer from Romania.

Sweet and funny, she and I have endless topics to chat about.

Her name is Alina Cioaga. 

 Negative of Peel Apart Film

 Negative of Peel Apart Film

Cat Woman

天师与我

*

在很久很久以前     

你拥有我 我拥有你

在很久很久以前 

我离开你去天空翱翔

外面的世界很精彩

外面的世界很无奈

当你觉得外面的世界很精彩

我会在这里衷心的祝福你

*

二零一二年十月十号凌晨五点半

被你的哭声惊醒

把你从屋后沟渠旁救回家

战战兢兢的你连路也还没走稳

哭不停找妈妈

弟弟为你取名“天师”

你是我生平

第一只养在房里的猫

抱你在怀里喂你喝奶瓶

见证你第一次学会大小解

每晚为你写《猫猫日记》

我读圣经   你咬圣经

自从有了你我分身乏术

照顾你之余也不能让家里的狗吃醋

自从有了你我没晚好睡

我们相依为命   我甚至载着你出坡公干

你愈来愈调皮   让我想起这首儿歌

“小猫咪呀小猫咪 你是坏东西。。。”

喜欢看你跌倒在地上翻来翻去也翻不起来

或者看你沿着床边埋伏我然后虎假猫威地攻击我！

又或者硬硬地把头塞进我的颈下找个窝

又或者在我的肩膀上睡着害我睡歪颈

又或者牙齿痒时找不到我的手指于是咬我的脸耳口鼻

两星期后被你咬过的伤口出现红疹 

四次求医   推测应该是皮肤对你的口水过敏

越来越恶化

越来越痒

越来越无奈

被逼把你养在厨房里

我却在房里哭泣

神啊！你让我听见了天师的哭救

我们有着很开心的时光

我感谢你赐我我梦寐以求的灰猫

但为什么最后的下场是这样？

花了很多钱医我的皮肤

半夜痒得我发疯   血压也低得吓人

别人讽刺我花太多时间力量金钱自讨苦吃

“野猫当宝。。。”爸爸说

爸爸你可发现这是你们给我的遗传

我不能救完全世界的野猫

但我能改变这只野猫的一生

就因为我听见了它

为何你们视而不见   听而不闻 ？

什么时候 你们的心被硬化了？

感谢神为天师找到了最好的主人

回到墨尔本

我不能不想念你

我不能不每晚哭泣

又有谁能明白把孩子送人的心情？

又有谁能明白我心如刀割？

又有谁会知道什么是相思成病？

我更明白爸爸妈妈在夜里因思念我们而偷偷哭泣
  

*

给天师

在很久很久以后  

你的记忆力里没有我

但在我的心中

你曾经是我的孩子

*

原始人

Fuji FP-3000B film

原始人不走康庄大道

走长满杂草的小路

她什么都没有

只有对艺术的热忱

她什么都不怕

因为她相信神

她庆幸父母没有对她的钱途施压力

只要她健康开心地活着

她没有能力给父母任何的物质享受

但她给的是很多很多无价的爱

人想要的很多 需要的不多

只要她知足 就心中富有

“不要为生命忧虑吃甚么、喝甚么，为身体忧虑穿甚么。

生命不是比饮食重要吗？身体不是比衣服重要吗？

不信上帝的人追求这一切；你们的天父知道你们的需要。

所以你们不要为明天忧虑，因为明天自有明天可

忧虑的事；今天已经有足够的事，让你们今天忧虑了。”

马太福音  第6章

不要再

一天一天 看日出日落

看月圆月缺 年复一年的经过

怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失

活着只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活

难道要等到知道明天将离开
才在这二十四小时里积极追求梦想？
人生在世上短短的几十年因害怕 错过了什么？

很感谢社会对她的褒贬
感谢支持她的人
关心她的人
更感谢不看好她的人

她明白有梦想的人
不是活在社会眼光下的人

Zebra's Shower

Polaroid Blue Film

I Exalt Thee

I Exalt Thee

I Exalt Thee

Oh Lord

Shower time is my me time. 

Imaginations are pouring out like water during my shower, and it's also the time when I speak to God and praise God.

There was once in the middle of shower, 

I felt like thanking God for every nature He had created for us. 

But I did not know that while I was thanking him, 

a burglar actually climbed into my housemate's room, 

passed by the toilet and went into my room to took away our coins!

Thank you God for keeping me safe and let the burglar walked passed me.

Imagine what could happened if the burglar came into the toilet?!

Another praise report is that I have granted my Temporary Residence Visa in Australia!

WohooOoOOOoOOoooOOOOOoo! 

I have been waited for fourteen months for the immigration officer to contact me, 

not until my bible study fellows prayed for me a month ago, 

everything just seem to come into place!

Now I am "someone with identity" and I am eligible in applying for a job and a Medicare card!

How great is that!

Our church held a fasting program called Deeper from 30 July to 19 August, 

where the whole church fast and prayed together.

Some were fasting from coffee, soft drink, sweets, social media, television etc, while me and my boyfriend were fasting from meat, watching movie and eating out. 

For the past three weeks I was cooking vegetarian food everyday! 

I felt my body was so energetic and motivated in completing my work! 

When we were craving for meat or eating out, we chose to read his words, 

rather than just follow our own will. 

When we were craving from watching movie, we opened the Bible instead.

In the beginning it wasn't easy, we didn't really eat vegetarian food until the third day of fasting.

But it really made a different when you thought: "Hold on... I actually don't need all these!

I might have made a decision fasting from meat, but the meaning behind the fasting is far more powerful because I am one step closer to Him! "

Being able to control how we deal with circumstances rather than allowing circumstances control us really got us out of our comfort zone and became closer to God!

And my Temporary Residence Visa was granted just right after the Deeper program and fasting!

How great is our God!