Unwrap The Gift

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
But you were there

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But you were there

You have me
You have me
You have my heart completely

17.11.2013

      We missed the morning church service, so we planned to visit to Planet Shakers' 5.30pm church service. An hour before we head to Planet Shakers, I told Gary I had a headache and felt like skipping church (again). Gary's immediate reaction was:"Hah I knew you would act this way every time before church! It's either headache or gastric, can't your enemy be any more creative?" Alright, he was right, the enemy was TRYING to stop me from going to church again, but I MUST not be defeated! 

             This was our second visit to Planet Shakers and there was water baptism, the first time we visited to Planet Shakers was a water baptism service too... Is God HINTING us? 

             The culture in Planet Shakers always overwhelms me, they dance they sing whatever they like to express their love, they never care how others would look at them. At the end of the service, guest speaker Pastor Tim Hall asked for people who has digestive problem to go up on the stage to be prayed for and a lot of people went up until the stage couldn't fit them all. Pastor Tim touched every single person and prayed in a loud and confident voice:" In the name of Jesus, HEAL!" One by one the people on stage start dropping on the floor. This was so overwhelming for me! I was like a kid watching magic show from my seat, clapping my hands and keep asking Gary:" Is this for real? What if they are just acting? Why would they fall? This is so unbelievable! Wow!" Yup I saw people dropping on the floor in front of my own eyes, but I didn't believe it's real because it didn't look logic to me. Yup I doubted.

             Pastor Tim then came down from the stage and prayed for some of the audiences. A guy from the worship team fell even before Pastor Tim touched him, and Pastor said:" He loves to be anointed." While Pastor was walking closer to our seats, my tears started to roll out, and I told Father God:" God if you see me, please make me fall, because I want to believe this is real! I want to know I will fall just like others..." 

          Pastor Tim asked:" Those who never been touched by the super natural please come forward to be prayed." Gary pulled me to the altar, I was so freaked out because I was doubting! I wanted to hide behind of Gary but of course I shouldn't stand behind him because he might fall on me. When it's my turn to be prayed for, I held my fists tightly, my body was shivering, my eyes and mouth opened so big, my tears were rolling out uncontrollably (including liquid from my nose), I was so terrified! Why was I not in peace? 

              Looking at my terrified face with tears and liquid all over, Pastor Tim shouted:" Someone please come and pray for this lady! Someone please!" Haha he knew that I would not fall because I was lack of faith! A lady called Anna came and prayed for me and I cried badly. She asked me:" Do you believe in Jesus? Are you baptized in the Spirit?" I believe in Jesus but I haven't been baptized in the Spirit. So Anna said she would pray for me to speak in tongue. In my mind I doubted more, I didn't ask for it (well actually I was thinking about speaking in tongue few days ago) and I wasn't ready for it, there's no way I would speak in tongue now! Anna asked me to speak out like a baby, whatever word in my mind just speak it out, don't be shy, and she started to pray for me in tongue. I didn't know what to expect, my mind was blank. "Speak it out, you need to speak it out, I can see the Holy Spirit is in you."Anna said. While she continued to pray, there's a word in my mind. Oh God I wasn't sure if I was mimicking her or I was really baptized in the Holy Spirit. The music on the stage started to climax, I braved up myself, opened my mouth and tried to spit out the word, although I wasn't sure if it's from God... Such a mixed feeling!

              According to Anna I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. I told her I thought I was mimicking her. She said it doesn't matter, don't let the enemy tell me it wasn't from God or I was mimicking others, the word doesn't come from no where, it came from God. She's right, instead of disbelieving, I must believe it's from God! She told me, speaking in tongue is like going to the gym to build your body, if we stop going to gym, our body will go out of whack. 

             On the way home in the car, I got Gary to practice speaking in tongue with me, as loud as we could and we felt good! Few months ago, I was actually quite stress that I haven't been baptized in the Holy Spirit. During my visit to Olivia's Connect Group, Nicole offered to pray for me, and she prayed in her heart without saying it out. Suddenly I felt the goose bumps and God told me:" Because you don't believe in me." Wow that was the first time I heard God so clearly and I started to cry! Only Father knows my heart, He knows everything about me. That night I told Olivia about my stress. She told me that, speaking in tongue is a promise from our Father, and what He promised, we will surely receive. Treat it like a Christmas gift, we know that we will receive our gifts during Christmas, but Christmas is not here yet, when Christmas is here then only we get to unwrap the gift prepared by Father. Olivia was so right and since then, I never stress about it anymore.

           I shared with Olivia about my baptism in the Holy Spirit and I thought I was mimicking Anna. Olivia told me, it's obviously from God because I wasn't ready, I wasn't trying hard, and most importantly I didn't plan for it, the word just came into my mind, so I just need to believe it's from God and cherish my gift! No matter which way I choose, Father is always loyal to us. If we chose the wrong path, He will guide us back to the right path.

       The next day Gary came across an article: " Don't use your logic mind, just BELIEVE." When Gary was being prayed by Pastor Tim, he actually felt the numb in his legs and he almost felt on the floor. Chong Wei Wei, no more doubt, no more disbelieve, you must believe! For man, many things are impossible, but for God, everything is POSSIBLE!

Adrien Fournier

"Idioteque"

by Radiohead

Who's in bunker, who's in bunker
I've seen too much
I haven't seen enough
You haven't seen enough
I'll laugh until my head comes off
Women and children first
And children first
And children

Ice age coming, ice age coming
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both sides
Let me hear both..

       Thank you Adrien for willing to be topless in a cold winter morning for photo shoot. Joel, our housemate moved out and gave me his beautiful English style flower couch. I love it so much and started to plan a few photo shoots with the couch before the couch is given away to our neighbour. 

       I tried to learn some French vocabularies from Adrien, but I gave up, because my tongue doesn't like to pronounce French words. What a coincidence that I cooked Thai Tom Yam soup on the first day Adrien arrived in Melbourne, he couldn't bear the spiciness and ended up ate nothing for dinner - not a good experience for his first day in Melbourne. We chatted about his hometown, Chartes in France, and had a look at his grandparents' house, uncle's house and his house from Google Map - it's always interesting to hear about other's story. You will be one of the top skater in the world! We will miss you deeply Adrien!

                                                                                                                                                 Fuji FP-100C Films

The King of Glory

Who brings our chaos back in order

Who makes the orphan a son and daughter

The King of glory

The King above all kings

This is amazing grace

This is unfailing love

That You would take my place

That You would bear my cross

You would lay down your life

That I would be set free

Jesus I sing for

All that you've done for me

26.06.2013

     Both of us were feeling miserable and low energy this morning, uncertain about our career and future. I sat at my desk and look out the window - I saw the most beautiful sunlight that shone through the meadows and trees, and I prayed for heavenly Father to take away all my worries, just take away my earthly worries, Father, I didn't know what to ask for but I know I need you although the circumstances in front of us always seem challenging or hopeless, but Father You have a plan for all of us, and You answer before we even ask.

        An hour of working later I checked my mail box and opening mail box is like opening a Christmas present, I don't know what waits ahead of me but I always hope it's something good that sent from God, such as people request me about my photography service. To my surprise, I got an email from Eswar and Karen who requested me about Wedding Day Photography service. WOHOOOOOOOOOOO! I tried to stay calm and found that the email that sent from Eswar and Karen was the time just after I prayed!!! How amazing is God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh praise God! I couldn't stop boasting about what God has done for me again and shared this good news with my housemates and friends from church and also wrote a message to thank Eric Hew for recommending my photography service to Eswar and Karen.

        A week later Eswar and Karen dropped by at our Polaroid gallery and we had a great chat. They are so easy going that I can't be more thankful. Thank you Father so so much for sending me such a beautiful and nice couple. Sometimes I am afraid that some of the potential clients will run away, but it's funny when Eswar told me that he was afraid to me run away.

        I always doubt about myself, I try to use my gift in art to honour God although I wasn't sure how, I try to do everything with mercy and grace, and I try not to care about gaining recognition from men... It is a hard learning process, to learn to not to serve in the spotlight but to serve in the shadow, but I must always remember that God weighs the heart, not the treasure or recognition we gain on earth. 

        Now I understand that when the heart is right, God will continue to be faithful to us, for He wants us to be fruitful. Sometimes it's just about the right timing for the blessing to come, it might seem hopeless now because we are unable see the future, so we are easily condemned by the circumstances which we are facing. If we never taste the bitterness, we will never appreciate the sweetness.  I am learning to be steadfast - no matter how hard life seems to be, I believe that Father will provide. Why worry? Just be patience and wait for His timing, we will certainly witness His glory, because He loves us crazily.

*

Eloise Grills

" Dreams Never End " 
by New Order

My promise could be your fiend
A given end to your dreams
A simple movement or rhyme
Could be the smallest of signs
We'll never know what they are or care
In it's escapable view
There's no escape so few in fear
Give in a changing value

Her cardigan is from Japan and her skirt is from Amsterdam.
She loves Homer and she has the coolest tattoo ever!

Oh I love the writer's vintage style!

It took us some time to pronounce her name properly,

it's pronounced as Elle + Loiuse. 

When I first saw her outside our Polaroid gallery,

 she was wearing a red vintage skirt and writing an article for FilmNeverDie.

The sun shined on her pink hair and I thought:

"Wow I must take a photo of her."

*

        Polaroid PX680 Colour Film

I'm Not Yours Anymore

" I'm Not Yours Anymore "

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouthYou're the only one that wants me aroundAnd I can think of a thousand reasons whyI don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouthYou're the only one that wants me to dieAnd I can think of a thousand reasons whyI don't believe in you, I don't believe in you

I'm not yours anymoreI'm not yours anymoreNo, I, I'm not yours anymoreI'm not yours anymore

                                                                                                                                     polaroid px680 protection film   

The Clown In Me

The clown in me
is lonely and sad
The clown in me
has no self confident
The clown in me
needs no judgement from any man
The clown in me
only believes in the one who creates her

*

One of my ambitions is to be a story book illustrator. 
That's is why I love to collect children story books. 
I know it would look awkward when I hide myself in the children story book section of the library 

Found a great story book few weeks ago, 
<< You're Special >> written by Max Lucado and it gave me a great testimony. 
I would like to share the story here with you:

The Wemmicks were small wooden people carved by a woodworker named Eli. 

Each Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Each Wemmick had a box of golden stickers and gray dot stickers. The wooden people went around the village sticking stars or dots on one another. The pretty ones got starts. Wemmicks with rough wood or chipped paint got dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could jump over tall boxes or sing pretty songs. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like others, but he always fell.
So the Wemmicks would give him dots. When he tried to explain why he fell, he would say something silly, so the Wemmicks would give him more dots.

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would way. After a while Punchinello believed them. "I guess I'm not a good Wemmick," he decided. So he stayed inside most of the time. When he did go outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had lots of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a different kind of Wemmick named Lucia. She had no dots or stars. The Wemmicks admired Lucia for having no dots, so the would give her a star. But it would fall off. Others gave her a dot for having no stars. But it wouldn't stay either. That's the way I want to be, thought Punchinello. So he asked Lucia how she did it. 

"It's easy," she explained. "Every day I go visit Eli the woodcarver." 

"Why?"

"You'll find out if you go see him." Then Lucia turned and skipped away. 

"But will he want to see me?" Punchinello wondered.

Later, at home, he sat and watched the wooden people giving each other stars and dots. 

"It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he decided to go see Eli. 

Punchinello walked up the narrow path and stepped into Eli's shop. 

His eyes grew big. The stool was as tall as he was. 

He had to stretch on tiptoe to see the top of the workbench.

Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" The he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. 

"How good to see you. Come -- let me have a look at you."

Punchinello looked up. "You know my name?"

"Of course. I made you."

Eli picked him up and set him on the bench. 

"Look like you've been given some bad marks," said the maker.

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard."

"Punchinello, I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No. You shouldn't either, What they think doesn't matter. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why?" I'm not very talented and my paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.

"I came because I met Lucia, why don't the stickers stay on her?"

The maker spoke softly. 

"Because she has decide that what I think is more important than what others think. 

The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers." 

"I'm not sure I understand."

Eli smiled. 

"You will, but it will take time. For now, come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care.

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember, you are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, I think he really means it.

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

*

Flower Bed

I am lying on a flower bed

Surrounded by everything good

Like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

Thank you Ebby for climbing up and down the ladder to shoot this for me.

*

This photo was taken last November when I spent my whole Spring time in Malaysia. 

Thank God for blessing me with a few photography jobs, 

that's why I was busy editing photos for my other blog: aweiding.blogspot.com

During the last trip back in Malaysia, I had one side of my hair shaved, dyed my hair into red colour (inspired by the Disney cartoon "BRAVE"), 

spent some quality time with friends and family (although I stayed home most of the time), rescued a kitten who fell in the sewage twice, 

adopted a grey kitten, started to read the New Testament, and attended four weddings and a funeral.

Once I arrived in Kuala Lumpur airport in September, drama has started... Like my close friends always say:" Your life is always dramatic!" Imagine me sharing my stories of 27 years to new friends, they certainly know that one night is never enough for me tell them everything. 

I hope they still remember the way I acted and the way I talked -- entertaining.

But I am skipping telling the dramas this time, it's a brand new year and it's time to thank everyone around me!

Thank you to my parents for always waiting for my return and also providing me with a warm shelter. 

Thank you to my brothers for spending a quality trip with me.

Thank you to all my friends for helping me shoot my portraits, buying me meals when I had no food, bringing me out when I had no transport, being my audience when I was excited to talk and bringing me joy!

Thank you to all my new friends for making me feel that the world is a bed full of flowers.

Thank you to all my clients for believing in my ability.

Thank you to my best friends and my cousin for listening to my testimonies.

Thank you to my boyfriend for always being there on the other side of the hemisphere and supporting me unconditionally. 

Thank you God for healing my dog DingDong from sickness.

Thank you God for granting me a grey kitten who brought me so much precious memories.

Thank you God that all my friends and family members are safe and healthy.

I was planning to write this post during new year time, but times flies too fast, I know. 

It's been three months now but I would still like to write down my new year revolutions, 

it's better late than never. 

I must finish study my bible.

I must write down all my testimonies.

I must read at least two books this year 

( I know I am a slow reader because I imagine too much when I read).

I must paint at least one painting.

I must launch my own photography website.

I must be more and more creative during every photo shoot.

I must control my temper and remind myself not to have negative thoughts. 

I must not be selfish and always save the best for others.

Last but not least I must love myself more and rock my life!

*

Sailing

We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay

We could hear the voices ringing

They seemed to say

You have stolen her heart

Now don't go way

As we sang love's old sweet song on Moonlight Bay

15.01.2013



It's a brand new year and I have gained a few of the festive weight.

Friends told me how beautiful is the movie Life of Pi. From the poster, I was expecting the tiger would be magically tamed and live with Pi on the boat. But in fact it was much more realistic.

A shipwreck forced Pi to survive on a life boat with a Bengal tiger. Instead of losing hope and surrendering to the circumstances in front of him, Pi said:" We need to live with one another if we want to survive."  Imagine what would I do if I was forced to survive in a life boat with a tiger?! Pi is a believer in God, but he didn't just sat back and wait for miracles, he used his wisdom instead to live with the tiger, and the tiger was the reason that he survived. For those who live with circumstances, any reasonable man would say that the hope of survival is slim. They would be the victim of their pessimism. For those who has faith in God, they never stop having hope, like Pi read  from the survival guide:"...above all, never lose hope."

Pi, a vegan, was forced to kill his first fish to feed the hungry tiger. Crying remorsefully,  Pi still gave thanks to God:" Thank you, for sending a fish to rescue our lives!" When hunger and desperate strikes us, we threw a lot of our principles out of the room, we became another person. 

During a fight with the tiger, suddenly there came across a bunch of flying fish in the middle of the ocean. The fishes literally flew into the tiger's mouth to feed the starving tiger and once again God rescued Pi. For me, there is more than a scientific reason for the flying fish to appear at the perfect timing.

Sometimes we should stop and think, who is the creator of human and animal? Who is the creator of the ocean and earth? Who is the creator of the universe? What the human know is never greater than it's creator. Who knows what's happening ahead of us except God who has plans for us? I must always remind myself to appreciative and be humble.

There are always turbulent times in life. When the the boat was facing a huge thunder storm, Pi was so excited to see the lightning from the sky as if the door of heaven was opened. He shouted:" I have nothing to lose! I have lost my family! The time has come!" And he hold the tiger on his lap:" Thank you God for giving me my life! I am ready." The huge storm totally weaken Pi and the tiger. While facing death, how could Pi just thanked God instead of groaning and complaining about his life? How strong was his faith! Shouldn't I just look at what I have in my life and give thank to God, instead of looking at what I don't have or what I've lost? Like Pi said:" When you thought God is not looking, He is actually looking after us."

Pi was being teased for his name during his whole childhood and one day he found God. Our God is a God of mercy. He only sees what's in Pi, not what's bad about Pi. It also reminds me of what Jesus Christ said:" Only the weak seeks for doctor, not the strong." I was being teased too throughout my whole teenage for my appearance which caused me to grow up in very low self esteem until I found the love of God. Life is far too meaningful than focusing on those criticism. When Pi finally found by his own species after 227 days, he was forced to give a "real story" by two Japanese investigators. I was thinking, aren't human more brutal than animal? All the tiger wanted was only to survive, but in our lives we need to honour men by doing things that were not from our hearts. No, for Jesus Christ said:"Do not honour men." The life on earth is too short, how could I not be honest to myself and others? It's totally fine and normal for my faith to be teased because a faith is never rational, "Stay foolish." that's what Steve Job said.

One thing in the movie that made me cried even harder was when Pi expecting the tiger to turn it's head before it went away for good into jungle. What upset Pi was that they never have the chance to say goodbye, just like he never have the chance to thank his father. This reminds me of losing my kitten. There is a message I learnt from this scene - do not look back and do not ask why. Of course I am also a mere human who follows my own emotions when I hit the bottoms in my life, but after knowing Christ  I learnt to recover from grief. I cried badly when Pi lost his whole family, when the zebra was killed by a hyena, when Pi was almost killed, when the tiger never look back... I could feel all the sorrow because I am a very emotional person. But what's the message of this scene, for me its saying: " All these are just a part of life, life can be very cruel and brutal, so do not carry the things on earth. "

At the end of the movie, the tiger actually saw a vision of Pi smiling at him when it stopped before went into the jungle, but Pi didn't read the tiger that's why he kept the sorrow in his heart for not being able to say goodbye after staying together with the tiger for 227 days. Same thing happened when I cried for days for losing my kitten although I had only raised her for one and a half months. Wasn't it's just the human who think too much and see the past seriously? The tiger actually saw Pi's smiling as if Pi was happy for it because for the tiger the jungle was it's real happiness.

At the end of the movie, Pi was blessed with a happy family with two kids. There is one more thing about Pi's guest the Canadian writer, his characteristic looked lost in his life and he was a non-believer in God. I believe that God has a plan for all of us, for everything in our lives, because He is a God of details. The writer was sent to Pi so that Pi could make him believe in God. I think that this was one of the reasons that Pi survived, because his miraculous life is a real testimonies to save some lost souls. 

Wikipedia revealed that:"Martel also stated that his inspiration for the book's premise came from reading a book review of Brazilian author Moacyr Scliar's 1981 novella Max and the Cats, about a Jewish-German refugee who crossed the Atlantic Ocean while sharing his boat with a jaguar. Scliar said that he was perplexed that Martel "used the idea without consulting or even informing me," and indicated that he was reviewing the situation before deciding whether to take any action in response. After talking with Martel, Scliar elected not to pursue the matter. A dedication to Scliar "for the spark of life" appears in the author's note of Life of Pi." This real story about the author Martel was indicated in a scene when the Canadian writer asked Pi if he could write this story, and Pi said:" I have told you the story, now the story is yours." Copying or imitating is a common thing in the art industry, for people like me, who likes other's artwork and wish to produce the same thing too, or shall I say, inspires from others, I often do a lot of research to learn and see what inspires me. Some people would complain and got mad about their artworks were being copied. But my boyfriend gave me a very good reason - the industries are copying Apple's products, Polaroid's products, Canon's products...just because of this reason the technologies keep improving to add more sparks in our lives! Hence, learn not to keep the idea for oneself, but to share it with others. 

For me, Life of Pi is not merely about beautiful visual effects, it's about life with God, and never lose hope.

Alina Cioaga

This is the first collaboration between two artists.

Young and talented, she is a Footwear Designer from Romania.

Sweet and funny, she and I have endless topics to chat about.

Her name is Alina Cioaga. 

 Negative of Peel Apart Film

 Negative of Peel Apart Film