My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
But you were there
Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart
I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But you were there
You have me
You have me
You have my heart completely
17.11.2013
We missed the morning church service, so we planned to visit to Planet Shakers' 5.30pm church service. An hour before we head to Planet Shakers, I told Gary I had a headache and felt like skipping church (again). Gary's immediate reaction was:"Hah I knew you would act this way every time before church! It's either headache or gastric, can't your enemy be any more creative?" Alright, he was right, the enemy was TRYING to stop me from going to church again, but I MUST not be defeated!
This was our second visit to Planet Shakers and there was water baptism, the first time we visited to Planet Shakers was a water baptism service too... Is God HINTING us?
The culture in Planet Shakers always overwhelms me, they dance they sing whatever they like to express their love, they never care how others would look at them. At the end of the service, guest speaker Pastor Tim Hall asked for people who has digestive problem to go up on the stage to be prayed for and a lot of people went up until the stage couldn't fit them all. Pastor Tim touched every single person and prayed in a loud and confident voice:" In the name of Jesus, HEAL!" One by one the people on stage start dropping on the floor. This was so overwhelming for me! I was like a kid watching magic show from my seat, clapping my hands and keep asking Gary:" Is this for real? What if they are just acting? Why would they fall? This is so unbelievable! Wow!" Yup I saw people dropping on the floor in front of my own eyes, but I didn't believe it's real because it didn't look logic to me. Yup I doubted.
Pastor Tim then came down from the stage and prayed for some of the audiences. A guy from the worship team fell even before Pastor Tim touched him, and Pastor said:" He loves to be anointed." While Pastor was walking closer to our seats, my tears started to roll out, and I told Father God:" God if you see me, please make me fall, because I want to believe this is real! I want to know I will fall just like others..."
Pastor Tim asked:" Those who never been touched by the super natural please come forward to be prayed." Gary pulled me to the altar, I was so freaked out because I was doubting! I wanted to hide behind of Gary but of course I shouldn't stand behind him because he might fall on me. When it's my turn to be prayed for, I held my fists tightly, my body was shivering, my eyes and mouth opened so big, my tears were rolling out uncontrollably (including liquid from my nose), I was so terrified! Why was I not in peace?
Looking at my terrified face with tears and liquid all over, Pastor Tim shouted:" Someone please come and pray for this lady! Someone please!" Haha he knew that I would not fall because I was lack of faith! A lady called Anna came and prayed for me and I cried badly. She asked me:" Do you believe in Jesus? Are you baptized in the Spirit?" I believe in Jesus but I haven't been baptized in the Spirit. So Anna said she would pray for me to speak in tongue. In my mind I doubted more, I didn't ask for it (well actually I was thinking about speaking in tongue few days ago) and I wasn't ready for it, there's no way I would speak in tongue now! Anna asked me to speak out like a baby, whatever word in my mind just speak it out, don't be shy, and she started to pray for me in tongue. I didn't know what to expect, my mind was blank. "Speak it out, you need to speak it out, I can see the Holy Spirit is in you."Anna said. While she continued to pray, there's a word in my mind. Oh God I wasn't sure if I was mimicking her or I was really baptized in the Holy Spirit. The music on the stage started to climax, I braved up myself, opened my mouth and tried to spit out the word, although I wasn't sure if it's from God... Such a mixed feeling!
According to Anna I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. I told her I thought I was mimicking her. She said it doesn't matter, don't let the enemy tell me it wasn't from God or I was mimicking others, the word doesn't come from no where, it came from God. She's right, instead of disbelieving, I must believe it's from God! She told me, speaking in tongue is like going to the gym to build your body, if we stop going to gym, our body will go out of whack.
On the way home in the car, I got Gary to practice speaking in tongue with me, as loud as we could and we felt good! Few months ago, I was actually quite stress that I haven't been baptized in the Holy Spirit. During my visit to Olivia's Connect Group, Nicole offered to pray for me, and she prayed in her heart without saying it out. Suddenly I felt the goose bumps and God told me:" Because you don't believe in me." Wow that was the first time I heard God so clearly and I started to cry! Only Father knows my heart, He knows everything about me. That night I told Olivia about my stress. She told me that, speaking in tongue is a promise from our Father, and what He promised, we will surely receive. Treat it like a Christmas gift, we know that we will receive our gifts during Christmas, but Christmas is not here yet, when Christmas is here then only we get to unwrap the gift prepared by Father. Olivia was so right and since then, I never stress about it anymore.
I shared with Olivia about my baptism in the Holy Spirit and I thought I was mimicking Anna. Olivia told me, it's obviously from God because I wasn't ready, I wasn't trying hard, and most importantly I didn't plan for it, the word just came into my mind, so I just need to believe it's from God and cherish my gift! No matter which way I choose, Father is always loyal to us. If we chose the wrong path, He will guide us back to the right path.
The next day Gary came across an article: " Don't use your logic mind, just BELIEVE." When Gary was being prayed by Pastor Tim, he actually felt the numb in his legs and he almost felt on the floor. Chong Wei Wei, no more doubt, no more disbelieve, you must believe! For man, many things are impossible, but for God, everything is POSSIBLE!
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